Let's Talk: Anxiety
Hello Everyone. Welcome back to my blog. I hope you guys have had an amazing month and are ready for the month of April. Today, we will be "chit chatting" about time management and anxiety. It's about to get real and interesting so, grab a cup of tea, wine, or water and let's begin.
One thing I've been struggling with lately is anxiety. I've always been a calm person; able to control my emotions when doing something outrageous but this past year has been really crazy for me. My life changed a lot and my anxiety grew to the roof. I remember my very first panic attack; it was last summer when me, my mum and my younger sisters went to six flags. We had agreed to go on this ride and although I was nervous about it, I didn't think much of it. While we were on the line waiting to get on the ride, I noticed that I was finding it a little bit hard to breathe and felt dehydrated. I thought it was because of the sun; that day was particularly hot. I stood there panting, angry, tired, drinking as much water as possible and I couldn't wait for us to get the ride over with. The ride assistant opened the gate for us and It was finally time for us to go on the ride. I sat down next to my younger sister, Ekio and my mum and youngest sister sat about four seats in front of us. As I started buckling up, my breathing got worse; I started trying to breathe aggressively but I didn't want to chicken out and leave my sister alone so I stayed on the ride. It was when the ride assistant came to do the final check to make sure we were all buckled in safely that I realized I was having a full blown panic attack and it was because of the ride. After she checked my seat belts and left, I burst into tears and I'm pretty sure I scared my sister. I told her I didn't want to go on the ride and I could see how scared she was from her face. She tried calling my mum but she couldn't scream the situation to her. Anyway, I managed to calm down; the ride started, my legs went numb and I closed my eyes throughout. I couldn't wait for it to be over. It sounds funny now but that day, none of it was funny. You know, I blame my friend, Kemi for my panic attack. I remember when I used to enter only "safe" rides and I used to love the park but when I met Kemi, she made me go on these crazy rollercoaster adventures with her which made me hate rides and now anything scares me. It's all your fault Kemi, All YOU!!!
Anyway, I thought that was where my anxiety ended but I was wrong. My move to Boston was crazy. When I mean crazy, I mean CRAZY! It was sad realizing that my parents weren't coming to help me get settled in Boston. I had just lost my grandfather and my parents were so busy planning the funeral; I knew the possibility of them coming with me was slim to none. One day at home, I burst into tears about it and hoped that I'd be okay but from the plane ride to when I got to Boston was just funny (at least when I think about it now). Leaving Nigeria was okay, I was having fun on the plane (watching tv, listening to music) and I was distracted but during the last four hours to Boston, I lost it. I remember thinking "this people are going to think I'm crazy" I went into that smelly toilet many times to break down because I just couldn't do it in-front of everyone. Then when I got to Boston, the taxi driver that took me to "A" hotel was very rude. A hotel because he took me to the wrong hotel btw. I was like "OMG! Who sent me to leave small Tulsa, is this how people behave here?, why is no one helping me? this people are so unfriendly, I'm not ready for this big city life." That taxi driver took my money after taking me to the wrong hotel. I had to wait by the side of the road with my luggage, download Uber and then get a ride. It was hectic and yes you probably already guessed it; Immediately I checked into the right hotel, I laid on the bed and burst into tears. My moving experience to Boston as of now has to be the worst time of my life since 2012. I spent days crying. After a while, I got comfortable in my hotel but just as I was getting comfortable, I had to make a move to my apartment which was another hassle. You already know what happened; I got scared, I wasn't sure where I was moving to, I wasn't sure if I'd be safe, no one helped me move and when I got there, I cried continuously for the first three days. Anyway, I'm getting really comfortable now. I know the city a bit and I'm having fun. I've used the train a lot (I'm that person now 😜), I have gotten my drivers license and I can now call myself a Boston Girl.
With all that being said, I haven't found any way to sort of help or control my anxiety. I fear that something major may happen in my life again and I'd freak out. So, If you have any tips on what to do when I feel anxious please leave that in the comment section below. Anxiety is not fun. So far, everything ends up being okay but what if one day I just have a heart attack. I know, I know, Dramatic Much! But seriously, it isn't fun.
That's all guys. I hope you enjoyed reading this post. I was also going to talk about time management as well but this post got so long that I have decided it'll be my next let's talk post. So check back soon for that. Please leave a comment below telling me about your own anxiety struggles (if you'd like to share) and also give tips on ways to control anxiety. Don't forget to like this post, share, and Subscribe so you never miss a post. See you later. Bye!
NOTE: Cover Picture is from Pinterest